THE BACK WALL OF THE CLOSET

I was thinkin' about my old closet this morning.

When I was in high school, I lived with my parents and had a closet in my bedroom. 'Cause, you know, I know you were all wondering about that.

I do not recall where I got the poster, but it portrayed an attractive and healthy young woman without clothing. Her back was to the camera, and she had struck a hitchhiker pose. It was cute and sexy, and being all of, I think, sixteen, I liked it. I knew I would not be permitted to display this poster in my bedroom, however, so I put it on the back wall of my closet, behind all my hanging clothes, where it was certainly inobvious; I hung my own laundry, so it's not like my parents were ever in there.

Right?

The poster hung there for quite some time, as I recall. I would look at it from time to time; the young lady was quite cute. Her behind was most pert. Sometimes I even wondered what her face looked like.

I remember the day, though. I was cleaning one of the fish tanks I kept in the bedroom, when my mother came in with a woman I did not know. She was showing off the house. I don't know why she was showing off the house; it wasn't for sale or anything, and of all the times I have ever visited my friends, seeing their children's bedrooms was never really on my priority list.

But Mom was showing this lady my bedroom, and to my surprise, she flung open the closet door, jammed her hands into my hanging clothes, and with a grand gesture, spread them wide, to reveal the back wall of my closet and my pretty hitchhiker.

I was a little surprised. Had she known about the hitchhiker? She had literally entered the room, gestured to the walls like Vanna White, spun to the closet, flung open the door, and gone STRAIGHT to the hitchhiker. Like Mom wanted to show her off to this stranger. What was THIS all about?

Mom's reaction indicated that she did not know about the hitchhiker, and could not have been more surprised if there had been an actual nude lady in there who had been hiding while I calmly cleaned the fish tank.

Apparently, this sort of derailed whatever Mom was doing with the stranger lady, and they sort of did a fast fade, and I shrugged and finished cleaning the fish tank and putting the fish back in.

A while later, Mom showed up and gave me holy hell about having a naked lady on the back of my closet, and asked me what the hell I was doing, having that in there.

To which I responded by asking what the hell she was doing bringing a complete stranger into my bedroom, walking straight to the closet, and yanking all my clothes out of the way like she thought the Ark of the Covenant was hidden back there.

She found this answer unsatisfactory, and brought my father into the debate. And I figured I was kind of screwed; they were usually pretty much a united front, parentwise.

And upon hearing the issue, Dad asked "Did he TELL you to look at the back of the closet?"

"No."

And Dad got kind of a pained look on his face and said, "Well... honey... he's a teenage boy. What the hell did you THINK you were going to find back there? Narnia?"

The issue sort of fell apart after that. The poster remained where it was, and my privacy was respected after that, albeit sorta grudgingly.

But to this day, I have no idea why my mother brought a complete stranger into my bedroom and went all Vanna White and almost immediately felt the urge to show her the back wall of my closet.

Any of YOU have any clue?